These past few months have been hard ones, and it’s been a challenge to get myself to write about it, hence the very long hiatus from the blog. I’ve noticed something about myself that I am nervous to acknowledge publicly, but know that I need to share this so that friends can hold me accountable.
My number one goal when writing this blog was to connect with others who might be struggling with some of the same things I do, and help those people, ideally working through the struggles together. It has also become a place where I vent some of my problems, share goals and successes, share some recipes, and educate others on one of my passions, essential oils. I do these things in the real world too (versus the online world) and I’ve noticed lately, that I’m having a hard time sharing and educating.
One specific, very recent experience comes to mind, when talking with a close friend about sugar. I am very passionate about food, as if you didn’t know already ;). I hope to teach others to be mindful of the foods they’re eating, and I always encourage people to eat real foods. When it comes to sugar specifically, I always say, “If you’re going to have sugar, just eat the real thing. It tastes better, and your body can process it.” So in this instance, the conversation turned to artificial sugars, and suddenly, my friend called me out for judging others for their food choices, versus helping them make better choices. Cue me being completely mortified. This is probably my greatest fear when it comes to educating and sharing with others. The last thing I want is for someone to feel that they are being judged. My goal is to help people, not judge them.
I think the hardest thing for me to realize is that not everyone is as conscious of eating healthy or are as invested in natural wellness as I am. I know that I need to adjust my attitude when I speak to others who aren’t completely open to what I have to say. This blog post is mostly a call (or plea!) to my friends, please help me to teach from a compassionate place, not judgmental. Because I am publicly asking, I hope that you will not feel scared to call me out either! Teach me how to be a better teacher and listener!
journeytoloving.me 
I guess the best way I’ve found is that at the end of the day, during any conversation you have with anyone 1) ego will always be in place, when you attempt to talk to anyone about their habits, especially ones that may be emotionally triggering and cause they to be defensive. 2) you can offer anything as advice but nothing you say will ever change their mind, or convince them. The truth is, people either are looking to be convinced or they will convince themselves, but it still requires them to already be considering taking a leap of change. So really, listening and listening, offering your own opinion (subtly), and just let them unfold themselves. They have to have their own ideas and they have to go through the motions themselves of suffering and wanting to change, they have to be looking for results they want to achieve and if you happen to be the person who is exuding that result, they’ll come willingly, and maybe even beg for your instruction or advice. Otherwise, even if it isn’t your intention, and even if they don’t realize that they’re doing it, they fighting you tooth and nail and defending themselves against your “judgement”, because their ego perceives it as an attack on the their free will, their choices. You can’t tell them they’re eating the wrong sugar, because you’re also telling them on some psychological level that they make the wrong choices in life and that’s why they feel poorly. And that means it’s their fault. Sometimes it might mean to them that they’re doing the best they can in that moment and on a subconscious level they are perceiving your comment as “well you could do better than this” which enforces a “I’m not enough” mentality. And thus a lot of their self -esteem may even be tied to their eating habits if they are resistant and even upset about your comments. And not everyone is comfortable with that reality, and it’s painful to face. They’re only going to face that reality when they’re ready. And that is their choice. And you can’t change it. But you can remain observant and supportive and loving and make your conversations a safe place for them to foster their curiosity about your wellness rather than a big push for change. Not that you are pushing, but be even more flexible to allowing them to be who they are, and allowing them to eventually open up to changes at their own pace. Love you Kirsty!!! And don’t forget, to give yourself some space, you are also doing the best you can.
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